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when does the existence lead to the end?
when does your own mind lead to your destruction?
how do you coexist with your inner self?
when do you know when you've had too much?
should I still be here?

These are questions I ask everyday, looking for an answer in the darkness of my mind. I try to find the reason to keep going. I try to remember those who depend upon me, try not to be selfish. I hurt, I am tired... Breathing is painful, much less trying to actually do anything else. I force myself to though, I put on a brave face, try to laugh and joke like there is nothing wrong.

My dearest friend came to visit me, it was amazing to spend time with her. To catch up. She did see a side of me I hoped she never would though. This still bothers me.

Communication is difficult, especially when you are trying to be strong. When you are trying not to let people know how bad you really feel. To not tell someone I am exhausted, I can't go on like this. When you feel like you are slowly dieing from an ailment that you can not control.

Whatever I say my friends should always know that I do love them. Everyone of them (true friends that is). I only have a few of them, and I take that very seriously.


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