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Depression is a part of my life. I cope as best as I can, tonight not as well as others. Wishing to express myself, and tell everyone what is truly going on with me. Everyone is allways so wrapped up in the moment though, and it is easy for me to understand. I cant rely on other people to help me through my problems. It is all something i have to do on my own. I have thoughts, bad thoughts run through my mind from time to time, they scare me when I look back on them. Jenni, I know you are probably the only person who is going to read this, thank you for being there for me through everything. i wish I could explain what is going through my head, however, to do so would probably end me up in an asylum. Needless to say I am going to pass on that for tonight.

I long for a creative outlet. I know what you are thinking, "you play music so do it." The only problem with that is my hands don't move like they used to. Too many times hitting yourself in the hand with a hammer will do that to you! I find it very difficult, if not impossible, to play songs that I wrote only 5 years ago. One of my favorite songs my hands won't even bend into the shape of the chord I use in the intro. I thought about music education, but if I can't even play simple chords how am I supposed to teach someone how to play. Let alone me play myself at a professional level.


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